Last week Big D attended a day VBS at our parish. We attend church 25 minutes from our home and I was really nervous to drop him off and then head back home 25 minutes away from him. I’ve left him before but always with someone I’ve met and know.
Big D was my first baby to go to a babysitter during the day and I am ever so grateful that his sitter has become family. I had Big D while I was finishing up my last year of college right before my student teaching and I arranged my schedule so that I would be home with him as often as I could. J was a great help and when D was first born, one of us was always with him. During student teaching, J was working full time and I was at school all day so when I left him with his sitter, I was relieved to find that he loved her and her family. He never wanted to leave and when we would arrive he would always be playing on her swingset.
Fast forward to present day and me being a stay at home mom and I now have some anxiety when I leave him. I know he is a big boy and he can let his caretaker know that he may need something but I still worry. This was the first time I have ever left him at a camp and because it was most of the day I was a bit stressed about missing him. The first day was the hardest. I knew that he would be ok. I knew that he would have fun but the protective mama bear in me was nervous. I was nervous that he wouldn’t make friends or that he wouldn’t know where the bathroom was. I was worried that he would get lost in a group.
My worries decipated as the week went on and each day got a little bit easier. It was hard leaving him but seeing how happy he was to see me at the end of the day made my heart swell. I’ve prayed about letting him go to school and knowing if God wanted me to send him off for the majority of his day. After praying and realizing how much I missed him and seeing how much he missed his brother and sister, we’ve decided as a family to homeschool. Truthfully, I’m relieved because coordinating nap schedules with pick up time was hard enough. I can’t imagine having to wake the baby get her dressed and drop Big D off at school. Right now at this moment I’m not ready to leave my child, someday he will grow up and move on but for now, being 5 and homeschooling is where he will be.
Last year, we did a pre k version of homeschooling. This year Big D has to work on K because of his September birthday if he were to attend public school he would be the oldest in his class but homeschooling will allow us to work around his interests and grade levels. I’m excited about starting a Co-op with other moms and I’m so so relieved that for now he won’t have to grow up quite so fast.