Recently I have been venturing out with all three kids by myself. Cabin fever has hit and with the warm weather and hopefully less of a chance of RSV, I’ve decided that if I need to go shopping we all can. And by all I mean the three pip squeekes and moi. The boys have never had a problem with venturing out and lately the tantrums have been on the decline,so if I need to venture out I strap Baby G in the Ergo and place Little D in the cart. Big D is a great helper and he crosses off the list. The kids don’t bug me.However, the one annoyance that I have, has been with others. You see, my children do not upset me, I’m prepared for the meltdowns, the questions, and the complaints but other people have recently struck a nerve.
Last Friday, after a great dentist appointment and a trip into the big city, I had to stop at Costco for the essentials. As I was loading Little D into the cart, an older gentlemen proceed to ask if that was all. Knowing full well by his body language and his glances at both boys and myself with a baby carrier,what he was asking, the only come back I could muster was, “For now.” And then he smiled and giggled. I think I caught him off guard and he wasn’t expecting that answer but he wasn’t the only one in the store who kindly reminded me that my, “Hands were full.” By no means am I saying that these strangers were being mean, but each person who mentioned this forgot to smile at my children and made me feel, little.
I’m not saying that they were trying to make me feel uncomfortable or small, but they were. Seven years ago when J and I got married we knew we wanted kids. We didn’t agree on a specific number but we knew we wanted them and if God blessed us with kids we would whole hearteldy accept. Fast forward to three months later and Big D became a reality and five years after that we now have three. Life with three feels right and for now at this moment, it’s what’s right for our family. God only knows if we will ever have more and if it’s part of his plan we will be happy to accept. We love our kids and we enjoy being with them.
Some how having more than two kids is surprising to others. I’m not saying that having two children isn’t a great idea, if it works for you and your family then have two. J is one of six and I have four siblings. I love having a big family and I would love to have my children grow up with siblings. They learn to share, they become best friends, and they learn how to love. Having siblings is an amazing blessing and if God calls for you to have more than one child and you know it is right for your family, I say have them. There is nothing wrong with a person’s family size. Some couples struggle with infertility and others are quite fertile. Their family size should be left up to them and to God, not to others who question you in a supermarket.
Along the lines of questioning I am also irritated by the question and looks of, “Three boys, huh.” and “They aren’t all boys, are they?” Baby G is usually hidden in the Ergo and people usually can’t see her pink outfit and bow for the day so once they see Big D and the Little D they immidately assume that I do have three boys. Once I kindly let them know that my third is in fact a girl, they usually have a quick reponse of “That is great. All boys would be tough.” Truth be told having three boys would be tough. But oh it would be so, so much fun. And even though I was blessed with Baby G and I was terrified of having a girl, I do in fact love having a girl. I can’t imagine having three little boys in order but if God wanted to bless us with a third little boy we would have been ecstatic because he has a plan for us. My only issue with that is that people decide to comment on my life when in fact they have no say in it.
Instead of the looks and the comments, I’d love for people simply to smile and acknowledge that having children, male or female, is a blessing. I’d like for them to stop before saying something rude and I would love for them to instead acknowedge that children are miracles. I’ve gotten better at apologizing for adding three little souls to the world, instead I have snarky comebacks, but I’d like to not have to discuss family planning with strangers. I know that the comment, “You’ve got your hands full,” is just an observation and I know that I should respond with, “You should see how full my heart is,” but sometimes defending my choice to have children gets old. Being in the trenches of motherhood is tough and for all of those who are currently in it, I am praying for you and I ask that you pray for me because some days, the world is rude.